Not Stopping

What's the Point if It's Not Everything and More?

I came in these rooms lost, miserable and hopeless.  San Diego, as pretty as the postcards make it out to be, had become a very small world for me.  My lifestyle resulted me on two bus routes, the blue line trolley and the canyons in and around North Park.  My world had gotten very small.  I had pushed life to the side while I was getting loaded.  All the responsibilities, relationships, obligations, commitments and opportunities all began piling up on top of each other.

Making a decision to get sober was easy...  I wanted something different.  "Where do I go from here?" That was the next question as I looked at this mountain of neglected responsibilities.  Thats when I began to see that getting sober was much more than a simple decision to remain abstinent.  I needed to change the way I saw and dealt with life.

The program and fellowship I found in the house and in the rooms helped me work through things and rebuild my life.  What was once too overwhelming, and seemingly impossible to overcome what slowly getting taken care of.  It took dedication, hard work, help and nice dose of humility, but my life got better.  I became excited for the strengths and skill sets the program taught me to deal with life on life's terms.

I believe if we don't continue to reach towards new goals and become the best people we can, then we've sold ourselves short of the new lives the program and sobriety has offered us.  I'm working at a place I love with people I love.  I'm pursuing a beautiful future and free writing just so happens to be a small part of it.  Letting each day pass me by is what got me here.  Taking action each day is what's keeping me here.

Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

A New Year... Another Resolution

As the year starts coming to its end, I seem to always reflect on what that year has meant for me... What did it represent?  What did I accomplish?  What were my failures?  What did I want to accomplish but didn't?  Where did I grow?  Was I happy?

Of course always, the next question that comes to mind...  What resolutions do I want for this next year to come?  What do I want to change about myself?  Where do I want to see myself grow or excel?  Where do I want to see myself at the end of this year?  What do I want to have?

A friend of mine asked me what my new years resolution was this morning.  I told her that it was hard to explain, but that I wanted to grow spiritually.  Her response was, "Why not just be yourself?  Everyone has resolutions and things they want to change in their lives, why not just be who we are?"

Short and sweet...  She's just like my sponsor in that respect.  She brought up a great point.  Many spiritual practices believe that the beginning to spiritual growth starts with looking and listening inward.  Finding ourselves before we continue with spiritual growth.  Very similar with the 12-steps if I don't say so myself.  Honest reflection, inventory, humility- then change...

I believe that having goals is healthy (Healthy goals that is...).  But my experience has definitely taught me the value in what she reminded me of this morning.  My ego and fear prevented me from tapping into who I am and being honest with myself and others.  I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, just being me.  I'm no different that anyone else, I have hopes and dreams, intensions and want things in my life also (spiritual, emotional and material).  Some of those I've gotten and achieved, the most rewarding has been the sense of security I have within my own skin today.  A result of the program and connection with my Higher Power.

In search for my destination, the journey has been a roller coaster!  Ups, downs, good times and bad, but always exciting full of new experiences and relationships that I have grown strength and knowledge from.  Being comfortable with myself has allowed me to get out of my own way and see what life has in store for me.  No longer do I find myself constantly trying to control and manage my life and the lives of those around me.

Its a great feeling, just being me!