Spiritual Harmony

Sometimes I lose sight of what's most important in life.  Sobriety has taught me how to participate in society and manage my life.  The result of that is having responsibilities today.  I have a job I need to be accountable for, I have commitments to people, places and things I need to fulfill, and I have bills which need to get paid on time when they are due.  I have a tendency in working too much, not stopping and lacking a balance in my life.  The result of that has affected my personal relations and my job itself.  When I'm  not healthy, my attitude, awareness and actions aren't the best they can be.

I'm far from perfect, I make mistakes and have difficulty not beating myself up for them.  It's easy to lose sight of what is ultimately the most important venture of my life.  When I'm on my death bed, the only thing that is going to matter to me is that when I look back at my life, I know I was happy and loved.

For me that means I want a growing relationship with my girlfriend, family and my friends.  I want to laugh more than cry.  I want to make myself available to those I can be of service to and hurt as little people as possible.  I want my colleagues to find success and happiness in their lives and hope that all suffering alcoholics/addicts can find God's will for them.

When I'm not centered in my recovery and not living along spiritual lines, I begin to disconnect from this.  So if I'm not in tune spiritually, I'm not in tune mentally, emotionally or physically as well.  And we ALL know nothing's good when its not in tune.  Well, I hope this struck a chord in someone.  Have a great weekend!  Peace, Love and Harmony!

Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

Dating NEWCOMERS!!! (readers comments)

NOT COOL!

I know not many people usually view comments.  So I'm reposting these 3 to bring attention to them.  This topic is a big one and I feel it important to read more.  I will repost these anonymously.  To contact or follow their work, please view comments section.

#1 - I totally agree! I think that those who choose to date newcomers should be marked. I know people can make mistakes in sobriety, but to get involved with someone who is just getting the chance to find themselves is wrong on so many levels and in my eyes is unforgivable. For all you sick fucks that try and thirteenth step new members of alcoholics anonymous, realize that it is unfair and twisted. Give them the same opportunity to live a new life as you had.


#2 - 
***
Well, Avinash, I did just that. I got involved at my first few months with the most beautiful man. In the end I hurt him terribly and wish I could go back in time and change everything, but I cannot. I do believe it was my inability to understand my addiction, I went back to using at month 4.
I do believe if we would have waited a year to learn who we where and to LOVE OURSELVES, the outcome would have been different. Who knows. I now have 6 days clean and that was 2 years ago, sobriety has not come easy for me.
For anyone coming into recovery I strongly advise as someone who has been there to wait, to stick with the women
and find out who you are & attend to yourself first.
If you are going to be together then it will all fall into place when you are ready. 
Life is so short & Love so beautiful it is irresponsible to take either one for granted.
Please, please this is so true. I am blessed that this wonderful person is still in my life as a dear friend, but it set back my sobriety without a doubt.
My name is Angie if anyone who needs to talk about this please just ask, I will share what I have and hopefully someone will be spared the hurt & shame that I went through.
In addition to this, I told everyone in my network of NA & AA and was warned, but chose to ignore, I am still picking up the pieces of my heart.
Thank you for letting me share.
Peace & Light

#3 - I was newly sober and a much older man with an addiction to masturbation (3+ hours a day) started driving me around...eventually when I drank (which he allowed to happen in his home) he put the moves on me. Its hard for me to see my part, but the truth is, because I wasn't ready at the time, I had a huge part. I was a volunteer. Unfortunately the whole thing was really a big disappointment and rather grotesque...and I hope he doesn't do the same thing to some other girl who's still foggy.

The Double Edged Sword

Recovery can sometimes be a doubled edged sword for us.  It can be used as ways to justify, rationalize, deflect, manipulate and play into our cunning character defects.  Lets face it...  Facing the truth isn't easy.  Subconsciously or consciously.  Doing the right thing isn't always either.  Leave it to the alcoholic/addict to take something pure and simple and twist and distort it to our benefit (a mastered quality for us).

I got sober at 18.  For the most part I jumped into the recovery house and 12-step program pretty fast.  Being sick and tired of being sick and tired was a great motivation for me.  I dove head-first into recovery.  While I was in the recovery house, I attended 3-4 men stag meetings weekly.  I had commitments at Alcoholic Anonymous meetings, attended a book study on Thursday evenings with my sponsor and the rest of the members of his lineage, and participated in service work as often as I could.

I would express my opinions to my peers about the young people meetings they chose to attend and the lack of sincerity I felt in those meetings.  I would say things like "Young people conventions are a waste of time and childish."...  And so on and so forth...

The truth was, I was scared to interact with young people in sobriety.  The were joking around and laughing because they were happy and comfortable with themselves.  I didn't know how to interact with young people my age.  I was full of fear and how others perceived me.  As far as women went, there was no way I was introducing myself to a young lady without being too loaded to remember it the next day!

So I continued to get commitments at the old timer meetings.  I would join them in smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee at the local Borders until midnight every Saturday rather than hang out with my peers.  My free time was spent writing poems and reflections in coffee shops.  Poems about romance and love as I would fantasize that one girl (you know that one) coming in with her journal, sitting next to me with mine and then BAM!  A fairy tale romance for the rest of my life!  Sad...  I know...

I hid out in Alcoholics Anonymous for about 3 years not addressing this.  I learned a lot from those old timers and being a "big book thumper" for my first couple of years.  But my sponsor put it best when he said, "Avi, you're not forty, stop acting like it."  Again things got to a point where I was getting sick and tired of being sick a tired.  My life wasn't changing, I wasn't growing because I wasn't facing the truth.

It's easy to not face truth and use the program and its teachings as a double edged sword.  "The program says be honest, right?  I'm just being honest by telling you I think you're an asshole."  True honesty and self appraisal comes from inventories, humility and faith (if you're someone like me).  If you're yielding double edged sword like I have, perhaps the side you should lean towards is the side which cuts through YOUR armor the deepest.  As I've gotten more time in recovery, it seems my actions and behaviors have only become cunning and manipulative in their ways of playing into my defects and dishonesty.  How I deal with my relationship, how I'm dealing with my taxes, how I'm interacting with my peers... etc.  I constantly have to look at where I'm falling short or playing into defects.  But thats another blog for another day, right now I've got to go sharpen my sword!

Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

What's the The Trick to Getting Long Term Sobriety

There's everything these days...  Treatment centers, rehabs, inpatient, outpatient, day programs, drug and alcohol counseling, one-on-one therapy, group therapy, sober livings, sober companions, sober coaches...etc  I think you get the point.  These days, sobriety and treatment can even be found televised on your local T.V. channels.  So what works and what doesn't?  Thats a pretty big question and a difficult one for me to answer.

I think they are all good and supportive settings towards reaching longevity sobriety as the goal.  I believe one of the best ways to get long-term sobriety is to keep in mind that the more days we are able to put together sober, the further we become from our last drug/drink.

My reaction to almost everything (good and bad) was to get loaded.  That's how I dealt with things that occurred in my life.  The more time I can put together away from my last drink/drug, the more I'm having to learn new ways to live life on life's terms. Its no longer about running away or avoiding what's uncomfortable or inconvenient for me, but rather, learning how to address them and work them.  As I have now put over 7 years away from my last drug/drink, I have gained new tools to deal with life and new strengths as a result of that.

This is just my beliefe, so to answer that question.  Whatever method(s) of treatment you chose to pick, I hope it allows you to put as many days possible together in a safe and supportive setting...

Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

Not Stopping

What's the Point if It's Not Everything and More?

I came in these rooms lost, miserable and hopeless.  San Diego, as pretty as the postcards make it out to be, had become a very small world for me.  My lifestyle resulted me on two bus routes, the blue line trolley and the canyons in and around North Park.  My world had gotten very small.  I had pushed life to the side while I was getting loaded.  All the responsibilities, relationships, obligations, commitments and opportunities all began piling up on top of each other.

Making a decision to get sober was easy...  I wanted something different.  "Where do I go from here?" That was the next question as I looked at this mountain of neglected responsibilities.  Thats when I began to see that getting sober was much more than a simple decision to remain abstinent.  I needed to change the way I saw and dealt with life.

The program and fellowship I found in the house and in the rooms helped me work through things and rebuild my life.  What was once too overwhelming, and seemingly impossible to overcome what slowly getting taken care of.  It took dedication, hard work, help and nice dose of humility, but my life got better.  I became excited for the strengths and skill sets the program taught me to deal with life on life's terms.

I believe if we don't continue to reach towards new goals and become the best people we can, then we've sold ourselves short of the new lives the program and sobriety has offered us.  I'm working at a place I love with people I love.  I'm pursuing a beautiful future and free writing just so happens to be a small part of it.  Letting each day pass me by is what got me here.  Taking action each day is what's keeping me here.

Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

A New Year... Another Resolution

As the year starts coming to its end, I seem to always reflect on what that year has meant for me... What did it represent?  What did I accomplish?  What were my failures?  What did I want to accomplish but didn't?  Where did I grow?  Was I happy?

Of course always, the next question that comes to mind...  What resolutions do I want for this next year to come?  What do I want to change about myself?  Where do I want to see myself grow or excel?  Where do I want to see myself at the end of this year?  What do I want to have?

A friend of mine asked me what my new years resolution was this morning.  I told her that it was hard to explain, but that I wanted to grow spiritually.  Her response was, "Why not just be yourself?  Everyone has resolutions and things they want to change in their lives, why not just be who we are?"

Short and sweet...  She's just like my sponsor in that respect.  She brought up a great point.  Many spiritual practices believe that the beginning to spiritual growth starts with looking and listening inward.  Finding ourselves before we continue with spiritual growth.  Very similar with the 12-steps if I don't say so myself.  Honest reflection, inventory, humility- then change...

I believe that having goals is healthy (Healthy goals that is...).  But my experience has definitely taught me the value in what she reminded me of this morning.  My ego and fear prevented me from tapping into who I am and being honest with myself and others.  I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, just being me.  I'm no different that anyone else, I have hopes and dreams, intensions and want things in my life also (spiritual, emotional and material).  Some of those I've gotten and achieved, the most rewarding has been the sense of security I have within my own skin today.  A result of the program and connection with my Higher Power.

In search for my destination, the journey has been a roller coaster!  Ups, downs, good times and bad, but always exciting full of new experiences and relationships that I have grown strength and knowledge from.  Being comfortable with myself has allowed me to get out of my own way and see what life has in store for me.  No longer do I find myself constantly trying to control and manage my life and the lives of those around me.

Its a great feeling, just being me!