NEW Legal Drugs- BATH SALTS

You heard me!  Wow, how things change.  As if the pain killers , K-2 and Spice weren’t enough already.  A new drug has hit the market.  You can find this drug packaged in your local smoke shop as Cloud 9, White Ivory, Ivory Snow, Red Dove…etc.  These drugs have been marketed as bath salts.  Furthermore,  the going rate for half a gram of this stuff can range anywhere from 40-80 dollars!  That’s an expensive baggy of bath salt!

Included in the cost of for some Americans have been the ER bills, psychiatrist appointments, hospitalization, 911 calls and the police involvement in their personal lives.  These drugs have a similar affect to cocaine or methamphetamines.  The active drug in these salts is methylenedioxypyrovalerone or MDVP for short.  MDVP is a psychoactive drug with stimulant properties which acts as a norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI).  It has been reported to be 5-10 times stronger than the illegal street drugs it is substituting and also 5-10 times more dangerous.  Calls and reports have been coming in from ERs and police departments from young guys and girls who have abused the bath salts.

Although it says “Not for human consumption,” on the package, complaints regarding these salts say the intention of these bath salts seems everything but that.  These new synthetic drugs, though currently legal, are without question under scrutiny from DA’s and city officials across the country.

If any friends suggests you grab some bath salts at the local gas station or smoke shop, chances are they might have a problem.  The MDVP bath salts are marketed in little plastic containers or decorative palm size “baggies” not much bigger than that of the paraphernalia us “old schoolers” are familiar with.

So to make sure you don’t accidentally purchase pampering luxuries that can result in an unexpected “trip,” I’ve submitted some new rules I think could benefit us all.
Rule 1. If it comes in a little baggy and seems a little pricey for what’s smaller than your palm, don’t buy it.
Rule 2. If whats in the baggy doesn’t look or feel like anything similar to the products you’ve used before- don’t buy it.
Rule 3. If it can’t be purchased at “big name” stores such as Bath and Body Works, don’t buy it.
Rule 4. If the herbal incense looks like shag-weed, don’t but it
Rule 5. If you need to buy it at a smoke shop or Charlie’s gas station, don’t buy it
Rule 6. If you’re paying 50 dollars for soap and you’re not running a laundry mat, don’t buy it
Rule 7. If a punk teenager who looks like a 15 year old version of a member of ACDC is in line buying the same product as you and it’s a school day, don’t buy it.

-Avinash Satz

“If You Hang Out in a Barber Shop, You’re Bound to get a Haircut”

-The old-timers say that…  I believe it’s important for alcoholic men and women to recognize that we are not “normal people.”   We are dealing with a disease that is cunning, baffling and powerful.  I have seen men and women get sober in the rooms and try to incorporate the same lifestyle they had when they were out there such as going to parties, clubs, social events and concerts with friends who are not sober.  Many of them end up relapsing.  It’s a dangerous position to put ourselves in, especially when we’re new.   If I’m hanging out with people who drink or use, sooner or later I may end up doing the same.  If I’m going to places or events where the attitude and theme is to get loaded and party, I’m going to eventually relapse.

I entered the rooms because lifestyle I was living was not working anymore.  In turn, my lifestyle needed to be evaluated and changed.  Understanding my disease means acknowledging that my way of life may be different from my fellows.  It’s not my fault of theirs; it’s just the way it is.  If I go to parties, social events concerts…etc I bring sober friends with me.

The majority of the people I interact in my life are sober.  That’s not because I’m in fear of associating myself with “normies,” but I share the same interests and lifestyle of those in recovery.  Naturally, I’ve grown close with those I identify with.

Some have difficulty accepting that their lifestyle may have to change in recovery.  I don’t take chances with my sobriety today.  I can only share my experience and that is that I’m not special and no exception from my fellow alcoholics.  As long as I remember my name is Avi and I’m an alcoholic, hopefully I’ll be ok.

-Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles, Clarity House- Sober Living for Women,  New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles ,  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles, Alcoholism, Addiction, Substance Abuse, 12-steps, Los Angeles sober living, treatment center, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous

The Importance of Hitting your Bottom (from Justin)

     I have been in and out of the program for a few years. I would always gain enough sobriety that I would start to feel good again and then start thinking I can get high one or two times and be ok and I was wrong every time I would be off and running until I hit a bad enough bottom that I would want to get sober again. I think that hitting a bottom is a very important part of finding the willingness to get sober. For me I had to hit a very low bottom and hang out there for a minute to really want to get this thing. I had hit bottoms before and I thought that it had gotten bad enough but as soon as I got comfortable all of the memories of that bottom would drift away and I would start romanticizing the good times that I had with drugs and forget the bad times. Every time that I relapsed my bottom would get lower and lower to points were I didn’t think that my life could go.

  
    For me my bottom came when I was living in Denver with a girl that I know I had been sober for three months when I came up there and the deal was I could stay with her as long as I was sober. A few weeks after I got up there I found out that one of my friends had died. He was a friend of mine since I was really young and I was crushed. Right after I found out I didn’t know what to do with myself so I did what I do best to deal with feelings that I can’t handle… I went and scored some heroin and I got high. I didn’t care about what I was trying to do all I wanted was to feel better and heroin did that for me. I fell right back into daily use. After five days my friend could tell there was something different about me and saw me nodded out on her couch so she went through my stuff and found a bunch of dirty needles and she kicked me out. She then called every one that I knew in Denver and told them that I had relapsed and to not help me out if I called them and she called my Mom and told her. When it all went down I was really angry at her but looking back I am grateful that she did what she did because I would not have reached my bottom as quickly as I did. So I was homeless, broke and strung out and I couldn’t not see any way out of it no one would help me out and my Dad the one person that would have was in Rehab for his own heroin addiction. I was sitting in an alley one night at four in the morning shooting up and I had this moment of clarity I could see myself from above and I could not believe that my life had come to this I knew that I needed to do whatever I could to get sober and stay sober. I was still homeless for another two weeks but I happened to run into my sister’s boyfriend and he offered to take me to Taos to stay at my dad’s house. The sick thing is I had to think about if I want to go with him or keep doing what I was doing I was terrified of getting sick and I knew that if I went back that I would have to get sober. But I luckily made the right decision and I came back to New Mexico. I was in Taos for two weeks still getting high and I was not allowed to go to my Moms house because she had had enough of my bull shit. In that time I had three other friends die from overdoses and I was so messed up that it did not affect me at all, I just kept doing what I was doing. One day, I got the God shot that I needed to get out of this thing. I overdosed myself. I came to in the ER after they gave me a shot of Narcan and my family was standing there crying because they thought that I was gone. They had put a main line in my neck and I had all of these tubes hooked up to me and I remember thinking why did all of my friends die but I did not, I realized that I had been given a second chance and that I was meant to do something better with my life. In that moment I became willing to go to any length to bet sober and stay sober. I told my Mom that I wanted something different so she arranged for me to go to a recovery house in LA and it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I have five months sober and I feel the best that I have felt in a very long time. My family is back in my life and my Mom doesn’t have to worry about where I am and if I am dead in an ally anymore and the least I can give her is peace of mind. There are still ups and downs in my life but now I am learning the tools to deal with it without getting high I am learning how to be a man that is honest, loving, and willing to do whatever it takes.


-Justin

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles, Clarity House- Sober Living for Women,  New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles ,  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles, Alcoholism, Addiction, Substance Abuse, 12-steps, Los Angeles sober living, treatment center, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous

Alcoholism - Alcohol = Alcoholism

Sucks huh?  Not really…  At least not from my perspective.  A lot of people ask, “Why not just stop drinking alcohol?  A saying I used to hear is, “What happens when you take away the alcohol from a drunken horse thief?  A sober horse thief!”  

Alcohol was more of a solution to the problem than the problem itself.  I wasn’t able to live life on life’s terms.  My attitude and actions separated me from living life like “normal human beings.”  And the way I dealt with my fear put the nail in the coffin.  I drank to not have to deal with what was going on my life.  It’s a lot easier to throw your hands up in the air and say, “forget it” rather than work through the difficulties we face in life. 

Lock me up in cell for a year; I’ll have no alcohol in me.  But when that year is up and the cell is opened,  I’m still the same Avinash.  The same mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Those are what need to be changed. 

The program taught me how to live responsibly today.  Not to turn and run from my difficulties and to show up for my life.  These esteem-able actions are what have allowed me to rebuild my life, my relationships, and character.  The life I have today is not worth cashing in.  Hopefully I’ll stay an alcohol free alcoholic. 

Avinash Satz

OxyContin A.K.A. OxyGot'em

108.  Not milligrams and  not deaths, but articles on OxyContin you can find on the New York Times website in their health section.  The articles vary in their news and content such as overdoses, lawsuits against the company manufacturers, lawsuits about doctors getting arrested for “pushing” prescription drugs, addicts’ experiences on and getting the drug and so on.


That’s one news source.  As I’m typing this, I'm currently in the company of three sober men that abused prescription drugs as their choice of poison.  Their “drug of choice,” OxyContin.  A widely used painkiller that is a version of the opiod, Oxycodone.

The stories of men and women, getting prescriptions aren’t surprising.  Not anymore.  It’s almost expected to see men and women enter recovery with a strong addiction to painkillers.  The most disappointing of these are the stories of young men and women getting prescribed OxyContin by licensed doctors that have earned the informal name as “Drug Doctors.”

“Its euphoric properties have made OxyContin a popular substitute for heroin among drug abusers, and it has been widely obtained and distributed illegally through faked prescriptions, theft, diversion from pharmacies and the practice of "doctor-shopping," in which people go from one doctor to another seeking multiple prescriptions.” – nytimes.com  

OxyContin has not only acted as a substitute to heroine, has also been the gateway drug for stronger opiates such as heroine as well.  Many young men and women were first introduced to opiates in the form of prescription medications.  The street value of an 80mg OxyContin pill is $50.00.  That’s one pill.  A gram of heroine goes for around $40.00-80.00 (the closer to the border, the less expensive) and has a much stronger potency than OxyContin.  This can become a more attractive drug as addiction takes it’s toll.

The death toll isn’t getting smaller, its growing and OxyContin is definitely on the forefront.  What can be done?  Well for starters, the FDA has approved a new frmula of OxyCotin.  “The reformulated OxyContin is intended to prevent the opioid medication from being cut, broken, chewed, crushed or dissolved to release more medication, thereby potentially decreasing the risk of overdose that could result from tampering.”- nytimes.com Stronger enforcements from our fellow medical professionals would help too.  Perhaps the FDA needs to set up a new form of an approval process to administer the drug.

Leave it to us good old addicts and alcoholics to use and abuse what feels good.  The drug has its purpose and I’m sure it helps those who need it, like cancer patients for example.  But for addicts, the easy to obtain OxyContin has made this drug an appealing “high” and an ugly story.

There’s to be discussed, more experiences to be submitted, and more news to be told.  I assure you, have no doubt on that!  What do you think should be done?

-Avinash Satz

Drug court receives state award -RedwoodfallsGazette.com

Supporting article- Drug court receives state award -RedwoodfallsGazette.com

By Troy Krause, Editor

Redwood Gazette

Posted Jan 13, 2011 @ 12:57 PM

“For the past few years, the Fifth Judicial District in Minnesota, which represents 15 southwestern and south central counties, has been practicing what is known as drug court…”

What great news!  Recognizing that addiction/alcoholism is not a simple as black and white and the appropriate treatment isn’t always- jail, has proven to be a fairly effective approach at the Fifth Judicial District in Minnesota.

“The program is not for everyone, and those who do participate still have the threat of prison time hanging over their heads if they do not successfully complete the program.”…

“In fact, 75 percent of those drug court graduates remain arrest free at least two years after leaving the program nationwide.

Drug courts are also a program that can and does save money. A study showed for every dollar spent in drug court $3.36 was saved in avoid criminal justice costs alone.

When all factors are added in drug court can save anywhere from $4,000 to $12,000 per client.

Programs are also bringing in funds, as federal grants have been presented to the fifth judicial district to help cover the costs of running programs.

In the end, the drug court system appears to be making the kind of difference the public hopes for in the criminal justice system.”

The drug program is 18-24 months long!  (What is it about long term treatment which just seems to add more support in recovery?  The trick to getting long term sobriety!) 

Minnesota isn’t the only state with a drug court.  The success of these programs give drug and alcohol offenders a second chance at healthy living while offering rehabilitation as well as accountability.  Talk about what an addict/alcoholic needs!

A crime is a crime and one committing a crime needs to be accountable for his actions.  But what that consequence is doesn’t always address the core issue.  Hopefully more drug courts continue in their success of working with drug offenders and successful rehabilitation. 

-Avinash Satz

Unconditional Love

The most beautiful thing I’ve experienced in recovery is that we are all loved, no matter what.  I believe that is one of the fundamental teachings of the program.  We must have unconditional love to our fellow alcoholics and addicts. 

I came in a far cry from being an active member of the community.  I was unwanted, I felt like an outcast.  I was overwhelmed with my life and had doubt about recovery changing anything,  But I saw miracles around me every day.  Many of them came from darker places than I.  Men and women shared their stories with me and gave me faith that things could get better.  They didn’t see me as an outcast, nor did they treat me that way. It was comforting to hear my sponsor say, “We once felt like you also.” 

What better than being around people who truly can relate to us?  Where my lifestyle has taken me would appall some people who know little about recovery or addiction.  But in recovery, I was accepted by my fellows. 

Without my support group and fellowship, I don’t believe I would be sober today.  It’s where I feel safe, and where I’ve been able to share address my fears, successes and failures.  If no one was willing to give me a second chance, I wouldn’t be here.  What a beautiful thing.  The one place where race, religion, social class, political views, gender or age means nothing.  It’s a lot easier to cut through the prejudice when sobriety is looked through the lens of life or death!

-Avinash E. Satz

12stepsahead @ Blogger just went to .COM

12stepsahead.com

That's right!  12stepsahead.blogspot can be found simply at 12stepsahead.com!

Should Relapse Be Expected? Some say YES!

"You have to look at it not as a failure of treatment, but as part of learning to manage the disease," Dr. Friedman said. "The standard course of recovery is multiple relapses." After rehab release, more uncertainty for Lohan -Associated Press January 2, 2011

"The standard course of recovery is multiple relapses.”

Dr. Friedman is a qualified addiction specialist by all means.  I have the utmost respect for men and women who dedicate their lives to the recovery field.  In the article Dr. Friedman brings up a lot of great points in regards to recovery.  But isn’t that a scary comment?  I mean talk about giving alcoholics/addicts a way out.  I don’t believe the Book or every treatment center believes that relapsing multiple times is the standard course of treatment.

(Changes your view on spending $30,000 a month to get a loved one in a treatment center, huh?  Multiply it by 2 or 3 and they you know that one you care for has got a shot!  )

A mentor of mine says, “I know I can relapse again, I just don’t know if I’ve got another sobriety in me.”  Relapse doesn’t have to be a part of to sobriety process.  It shouldn’t be standard for treatment or recovery.  I know many people that are chronic “relapsers” who would agree.  There are many reasons we go out again, seldom a good one!

The court systems have acknowledged alcoholism and addiction as a disease in multiple cases and I’m thankful for that.   These judges have recognized that someone with offenses that are alcohol and drug related should be rehabilitated rather than thrown in prison and part of the “system.”  Our society believing the standard for of recovery includes individuals relapsing as just “part of the process,” can be devastating.

Unfortunately, relapses occur.  That’s the truth and we know it.  Some of us have even experienced it.  It’s unfortunate when someone goes out, and it’s scary.  Some friends and fellows of ours don’t just mosey on back for their second, third or fourth shot.  They die. 

Again, I’m not here to say relapsing isn’t ok, because it can happen to anyone including myself.  But accepting it as an expected part of the recovery process can be a very dangerous back door for our friends, families, fellows and newcomers in our rooms.

I am not an addiction specialist, I am not a PH.D.  I am grateful sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous.  God willing, statements like these will not hinder or change the integrity of 12-step programs.  I believe that it won’t.  That’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it. 

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” Chapter 5 –Alcoholics Anonymous. 

-Avinash Satz

Are We Helping or Enabling?

Have you ever felt unsure of whether you were helping a fellow man/woman or enabling them?  It’s not uncommon for people in the program and loved ones of those suffering to commonly ask themselves this question.   In my opinion, there is no clear line in the sand to answer this question.  Every situation is different and circumstances may vary.  Below is a guide that may be helpful for us to understand if our help is really helping or ultimately hurting our loved one…

1.      -Identify the problem/situation 

2.      -What is preventing this individual from growing through this?

3.      -By helping, I am allowing this individual to play into defects/fears/negative behaviors rather than addressing them?  If so, what is it?

4.      -How can I assist this individual in their growth without doing the work for them?

5.      -What boundaries/timelines/contracts/understandings should be put in place initially to protect my well being as well as not enable this individual for extended periods of time?

Enabling alcoholics and addicts can be detrimental to their recovery, the life skills and the humility that we may need to grow and change.  If there were no consequences for our actions, then why change them?

Luckily, there are 12-step programs such as Alanon and CODA and other support groups that can also aid us in helping our loved ones also. 

Please share your thoughts, experiences and insight on this topic.  The more we discuss and learn, the better of we can help our fellows successfully walk this path of recovery!    

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

Spiritual Harmony- Accompanying Poem

I woke early this morning

Stepped out and greeted the Sun.

Her amber smile filled her face

Excited, she gave me a hug.

A short time passed in conversation

Before we rushed to our routines.

Father Time, with watch in hand

Scolded us to leave!

Daily chores and work required,

Deadlines maneuvered to at haste.

Through unexpected obstacles (expected)

The Imperfect Perfectionist’s day.

We both continued on

Steadily passing noon.

Her multitasking dazzling

While I accompanied her mood

(That responsibilities must be met

Like a simple summer bee.

Who rides the wind from rose to lily

But never stops to feel the breeze)

Rose to lily, rose to lily

Like the simple summer bee I went.

I never cared to check on Sun-

Ignorant to my self-centeredness.

She had already hurried her warmth elsewhere

Now amends are due anon.

So I greeted the moon, (he nodded back)

Looked down and continued on.

Avinash Satz

- Written for my girlfriend during my lack of Spiritual Harmony (BELOW)

Spiritual Harmony

Sometimes I lose sight of what's most important in life.  Sobriety has taught me how to participate in society and manage my life.  The result of that is having responsibilities today.  I have a job I need to be accountable for, I have commitments to people, places and things I need to fulfill, and I have bills which need to get paid on time when they are due.  I have a tendency in working too much, not stopping and lacking a balance in my life.  The result of that has affected my personal relations and my job itself.  When I'm  not healthy, my attitude, awareness and actions aren't the best they can be.

I'm far from perfect, I make mistakes and have difficulty not beating myself up for them.  It's easy to lose sight of what is ultimately the most important venture of my life.  When I'm on my death bed, the only thing that is going to matter to me is that when I look back at my life, I know I was happy and loved.

For me that means I want a growing relationship with my girlfriend, family and my friends.  I want to laugh more than cry.  I want to make myself available to those I can be of service to and hurt as little people as possible.  I want my colleagues to find success and happiness in their lives and hope that all suffering alcoholics/addicts can find God's will for them.

When I'm not centered in my recovery and not living along spiritual lines, I begin to disconnect from this.  So if I'm not in tune spiritually, I'm not in tune mentally, emotionally or physically as well.  And we ALL know nothing's good when its not in tune.  Well, I hope this struck a chord in someone.  Have a great weekend!  Peace, Love and Harmony!

Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

Dating NEWCOMERS!!! (readers comments)

NOT COOL!

I know not many people usually view comments.  So I'm reposting these 3 to bring attention to them.  This topic is a big one and I feel it important to read more.  I will repost these anonymously.  To contact or follow their work, please view comments section.

#1 - I totally agree! I think that those who choose to date newcomers should be marked. I know people can make mistakes in sobriety, but to get involved with someone who is just getting the chance to find themselves is wrong on so many levels and in my eyes is unforgivable. For all you sick fucks that try and thirteenth step new members of alcoholics anonymous, realize that it is unfair and twisted. Give them the same opportunity to live a new life as you had.


#2 - 
***
Well, Avinash, I did just that. I got involved at my first few months with the most beautiful man. In the end I hurt him terribly and wish I could go back in time and change everything, but I cannot. I do believe it was my inability to understand my addiction, I went back to using at month 4.
I do believe if we would have waited a year to learn who we where and to LOVE OURSELVES, the outcome would have been different. Who knows. I now have 6 days clean and that was 2 years ago, sobriety has not come easy for me.
For anyone coming into recovery I strongly advise as someone who has been there to wait, to stick with the women
and find out who you are & attend to yourself first.
If you are going to be together then it will all fall into place when you are ready. 
Life is so short & Love so beautiful it is irresponsible to take either one for granted.
Please, please this is so true. I am blessed that this wonderful person is still in my life as a dear friend, but it set back my sobriety without a doubt.
My name is Angie if anyone who needs to talk about this please just ask, I will share what I have and hopefully someone will be spared the hurt & shame that I went through.
In addition to this, I told everyone in my network of NA & AA and was warned, but chose to ignore, I am still picking up the pieces of my heart.
Thank you for letting me share.
Peace & Light

#3 - I was newly sober and a much older man with an addiction to masturbation (3+ hours a day) started driving me around...eventually when I drank (which he allowed to happen in his home) he put the moves on me. Its hard for me to see my part, but the truth is, because I wasn't ready at the time, I had a huge part. I was a volunteer. Unfortunately the whole thing was really a big disappointment and rather grotesque...and I hope he doesn't do the same thing to some other girl who's still foggy.

Dating NEWCOMERS!!!

Ok, lets start with a disclaimer, I know some people are not going to appreciate what I'm about to say.  What I am writing is my personal opinion.   It does not reflect on my work affiliations and is MY sole opinion on this issue.   

NOT COOL!

Now- WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THINKING ITS COOL TO DATE NEWCOMERS?!?!?  Seriously, I don't know how you guys came in to the rooms, but I know that if you're walking into a 12-step program, chances are there is some serious unmanageability going on in your life.  We didn't get here because we're on the Dean's list or CEOs of major companies.  We got here because the way we were living our lives wasn't working.  Doing it our way on our terms didn't work, we needed help.  How can participate in the life of another, when we can't even take care of ourselves? 

I couldn't.  I'm fortunate that those guiding me came from the school of "We don't make any big decisions for our first year of sobriety."  Reason being, is that I'm dealing with a LIFE and DEATH disease.  Not a dis-ease!  This is serious, people die everyday from alcoholism and addiction!  It affects every part of our lives!  Sobriety has to be a priority in our lives, not a hobby or social activity.  

Newcomers are the most important people in the program.  They have an opportunity to the get what so many of us have received from the 12 Steps.  Its crucial that they focus on themselves and not others.  Women need to be supported by women and men need to be supported by men.  Not to mention, when we come in, our perception is screwed up!  

As I learned about who I was and uncovered and discovered why I did the things I did (something which happens when we're new), my perception of life began to change. Things that were once attractive to me starting losing their values.  Interests and philosophies began to change.  I grew and started to mature emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  It's a natural process when we really start taking an honest look at our lives.  

Newcomers need to be afforded the privilege when coming in to dedicate themselves to change, not a new relationship!  

"But the book doesn't say ANYTHING about not dating newcomers!"  Really, you mean the book written in 1939 during World War II wasn't written with the emphasis of young people getting sober in the 21st century?  And doesn't it anyways though, as it takes us through the soul searching and 12-steps?  

If none of this was helpful or insightful to you, I guess ask yourself.  "What was I like when I was a newcomer?  Would/did a relationship in my early recover help me?  Would anyone even want to be in a relationship with me who had a solid head on their shoulders?"   I didn't think so...

Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

The Double Edged Sword

Recovery can sometimes be a doubled edged sword for us.  It can be used as ways to justify, rationalize, deflect, manipulate and play into our cunning character defects.  Lets face it...  Facing the truth isn't easy.  Subconsciously or consciously.  Doing the right thing isn't always either.  Leave it to the alcoholic/addict to take something pure and simple and twist and distort it to our benefit (a mastered quality for us).

I got sober at 18.  For the most part I jumped into the recovery house and 12-step program pretty fast.  Being sick and tired of being sick and tired was a great motivation for me.  I dove head-first into recovery.  While I was in the recovery house, I attended 3-4 men stag meetings weekly.  I had commitments at Alcoholic Anonymous meetings, attended a book study on Thursday evenings with my sponsor and the rest of the members of his lineage, and participated in service work as often as I could.

I would express my opinions to my peers about the young people meetings they chose to attend and the lack of sincerity I felt in those meetings.  I would say things like "Young people conventions are a waste of time and childish."...  And so on and so forth...

The truth was, I was scared to interact with young people in sobriety.  The were joking around and laughing because they were happy and comfortable with themselves.  I didn't know how to interact with young people my age.  I was full of fear and how others perceived me.  As far as women went, there was no way I was introducing myself to a young lady without being too loaded to remember it the next day!

So I continued to get commitments at the old timer meetings.  I would join them in smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee at the local Borders until midnight every Saturday rather than hang out with my peers.  My free time was spent writing poems and reflections in coffee shops.  Poems about romance and love as I would fantasize that one girl (you know that one) coming in with her journal, sitting next to me with mine and then BAM!  A fairy tale romance for the rest of my life!  Sad...  I know...

I hid out in Alcoholics Anonymous for about 3 years not addressing this.  I learned a lot from those old timers and being a "big book thumper" for my first couple of years.  But my sponsor put it best when he said, "Avi, you're not forty, stop acting like it."  Again things got to a point where I was getting sick and tired of being sick a tired.  My life wasn't changing, I wasn't growing because I wasn't facing the truth.

It's easy to not face truth and use the program and its teachings as a double edged sword.  "The program says be honest, right?  I'm just being honest by telling you I think you're an asshole."  True honesty and self appraisal comes from inventories, humility and faith (if you're someone like me).  If you're yielding double edged sword like I have, perhaps the side you should lean towards is the side which cuts through YOUR armor the deepest.  As I've gotten more time in recovery, it seems my actions and behaviors have only become cunning and manipulative in their ways of playing into my defects and dishonesty.  How I deal with my relationship, how I'm dealing with my taxes, how I'm interacting with my peers... etc.  I constantly have to look at where I'm falling short or playing into defects.  But thats another blog for another day, right now I've got to go sharpen my sword!

Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

What's the The Trick to Getting Long Term Sobriety

There's everything these days...  Treatment centers, rehabs, inpatient, outpatient, day programs, drug and alcohol counseling, one-on-one therapy, group therapy, sober livings, sober companions, sober coaches...etc  I think you get the point.  These days, sobriety and treatment can even be found televised on your local T.V. channels.  So what works and what doesn't?  Thats a pretty big question and a difficult one for me to answer.

I think they are all good and supportive settings towards reaching longevity sobriety as the goal.  I believe one of the best ways to get long-term sobriety is to keep in mind that the more days we are able to put together sober, the further we become from our last drug/drink.

My reaction to almost everything (good and bad) was to get loaded.  That's how I dealt with things that occurred in my life.  The more time I can put together away from my last drink/drug, the more I'm having to learn new ways to live life on life's terms. Its no longer about running away or avoiding what's uncomfortable or inconvenient for me, but rather, learning how to address them and work them.  As I have now put over 7 years away from my last drug/drink, I have gained new tools to deal with life and new strengths as a result of that.

This is just my beliefe, so to answer that question.  Whatever method(s) of treatment you chose to pick, I hope it allows you to put as many days possible together in a safe and supportive setting...

Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

Not Stopping

What's the Point if It's Not Everything and More?

I came in these rooms lost, miserable and hopeless.  San Diego, as pretty as the postcards make it out to be, had become a very small world for me.  My lifestyle resulted me on two bus routes, the blue line trolley and the canyons in and around North Park.  My world had gotten very small.  I had pushed life to the side while I was getting loaded.  All the responsibilities, relationships, obligations, commitments and opportunities all began piling up on top of each other.

Making a decision to get sober was easy...  I wanted something different.  "Where do I go from here?" That was the next question as I looked at this mountain of neglected responsibilities.  Thats when I began to see that getting sober was much more than a simple decision to remain abstinent.  I needed to change the way I saw and dealt with life.

The program and fellowship I found in the house and in the rooms helped me work through things and rebuild my life.  What was once too overwhelming, and seemingly impossible to overcome what slowly getting taken care of.  It took dedication, hard work, help and nice dose of humility, but my life got better.  I became excited for the strengths and skill sets the program taught me to deal with life on life's terms.

I believe if we don't continue to reach towards new goals and become the best people we can, then we've sold ourselves short of the new lives the program and sobriety has offered us.  I'm working at a place I love with people I love.  I'm pursuing a beautiful future and free writing just so happens to be a small part of it.  Letting each day pass me by is what got me here.  Taking action each day is what's keeping me here.

Avinash Satz

Miracle House- Sober Living in Los Angeles * Clarity House- Sober Living for Women * New Life House- Sober Living for Young Adults  in Los Angeles *  Reality House- Sober Living for Young Adults in Los Angeles

A New Year... Another Resolution

As the year starts coming to its end, I seem to always reflect on what that year has meant for me... What did it represent?  What did I accomplish?  What were my failures?  What did I want to accomplish but didn't?  Where did I grow?  Was I happy?

Of course always, the next question that comes to mind...  What resolutions do I want for this next year to come?  What do I want to change about myself?  Where do I want to see myself grow or excel?  Where do I want to see myself at the end of this year?  What do I want to have?

A friend of mine asked me what my new years resolution was this morning.  I told her that it was hard to explain, but that I wanted to grow spiritually.  Her response was, "Why not just be yourself?  Everyone has resolutions and things they want to change in their lives, why not just be who we are?"

Short and sweet...  She's just like my sponsor in that respect.  She brought up a great point.  Many spiritual practices believe that the beginning to spiritual growth starts with looking and listening inward.  Finding ourselves before we continue with spiritual growth.  Very similar with the 12-steps if I don't say so myself.  Honest reflection, inventory, humility- then change...

I believe that having goals is healthy (Healthy goals that is...).  But my experience has definitely taught me the value in what she reminded me of this morning.  My ego and fear prevented me from tapping into who I am and being honest with myself and others.  I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, just being me.  I'm no different that anyone else, I have hopes and dreams, intensions and want things in my life also (spiritual, emotional and material).  Some of those I've gotten and achieved, the most rewarding has been the sense of security I have within my own skin today.  A result of the program and connection with my Higher Power.

In search for my destination, the journey has been a roller coaster!  Ups, downs, good times and bad, but always exciting full of new experiences and relationships that I have grown strength and knowledge from.  Being comfortable with myself has allowed me to get out of my own way and see what life has in store for me.  No longer do I find myself constantly trying to control and manage my life and the lives of those around me.

Its a great feeling, just being me!